Random thoughts

A million thoughts run through my head, begging to be released. Happy thoughts, confused thoughts, frightened thoughts. Things that my brain cannot seem to grasp. Lets start with the happy. Happy 32nd BIrthday Dw. You are officially old today. Of course, as it does every year, 32 will suddenly not be old when June 6th comes around. Although, if old feels anything like I felt tonihgt after I walked in from work, maybe 32 is old. When did a 20 min ride become long enough to make me so stiff I could hardly walk?
Moving on to confused. What makes me so weak that I cannot handle confrontation wiht a stupid bully. I am smart. I should be able to outsmart a bully. Somehow a bully almost stops me in my tracks. I no real reason to fear the bully what are they going to do to me? Matty Matt thank you for standing by me when I was goofed up tonight. I drew from your strength. You are a great man. You somehow had the ability to make me feel important even though you had a million important things to do. A new boss is a hard thing to please, trust me I know that.
Moving from confused to scared. I came in the house tonight, and walked into the bedroom and saw Sami sleeping. The scripture verse to whom much is given much shall be required came to mind. She is so much of a blessing to me. It scares my heart so much it hurts to think of the amazing responisbiltity God gave me when He gave her to me. It is so much more than making sure she is clean and well clothed. He created a true masterpiece when He created her. Then he gave her to me. All I am is a screw up, the high maintenance child. Most days I am not even sure I have my head on, mustless on straight. Despite these truthes everyday I get to hold in my arms a priceless treasure. A blessing! A promise of a hopeful future. A wonder. What is going to keep me from totally ruining this treasure. I suppose there is always grace. God please give me the grace and wisdom that I need to help her grow. The strenght to stand back and know when to let her fall. The understanding to be able to help her when she needs me. The willingness to watch her grow away from me as she strenghtens. And the power to teach her about true happiness.
Once agian my mind switches channels back to happiness. Watching Sami sleeping brings me a happiness that I happiness that I never thought I would know. She is so very special and important to me.

My first yucky... not polite

My first yucky... not polite
I have been trying my best to potty train sami. I am really not do ing well with it. I probably catch her on time 3-5 times a week. I guess I just need to be more patient. Yesterday mom told me that Aunt Angie said that we should use a stool and a smaller seat on the potty so Today I tried that. I took her onsy off and sat her on the potty. She promptly went. I was so proud of her and clapped and cheered and made a big big deal out of it. I dumped out her little potty and sat down for a moment myself. As I was getting up I hear a tiny uh-oh. I hurridly looked around the corner to see too pooppies sittin on the floor right by where her potty used to sit before I turned it into a stool and a small potty for the big potty. OOOPPPS..... oh well. At least they weren't runny.
:)
sweet dreams.

72 oz of Diet mountain dew later....

I am home. She didn't miss me as much as I missed her. But hey isn't that the way life goes. It's cold outside 13 degrees. BRRRRRRR. Ms. Libby handles like a charm in the snow though. i only hit one slick spot. That was directly before I got on the Bridge to come back into IL. I was just cruisin along singing when I looked up and thought the bridge is close I need to pay more attention. I sat up put my right hand on the shifter and a more secure hold on the wheel with my left hand, and slid sideways. OOOOps. It really wasn't bad. The tac on that jeep jumps quicker than the slide actually starts so I new it was happening. My foot was already off the gas and she was in nutural before I even actually slid so the slide wasn't bad. I put her back in drive and then into 4x4 and drove on home. If 72 oz of mt dew didn't have me awake now I am. It really wasn't bad at all, just a wake up call.

Monica, and whom ever else cares....
I decided that I wanted that camera before It came out. I have been talking about it. Praying about it, and telling dad I wanted it. When I decided to trade my old stuff in I guess he figured I was serious about wanting it. So when Creve Coure camera offered me $300 for camera bodies, 2 lenses and a large external flash. He said just go ahead and buy the one you want. so I did.
sweet dreams
sam

Times Up!

Five weeks gone like the wind.
Five new weeks that I really can't account for.
Five weeks that I spent with an angel!
Five weeks forever preserved in my mind!

Time up!

The 5 weeks that I thought would last forever end today. at 2:15 pm, I leave for work. I am sad to go away from my angel. I also realize this is the way life is supposed to be. sweet dreams
sandy